I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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