He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
