it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
