im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
