let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
