I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
