You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
