Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your tits are I can't wait for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
