4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
