I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
