the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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