i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
MIDGETS
????
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize