I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
