You really coming over, don't trick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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