The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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