i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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