If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
