I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
