Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Buhtt sex?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
