who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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