oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need to calm my uterus...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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