non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
being pregnant is like rehab
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize