She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
