I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
