Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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