love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
