This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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