i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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