rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
