Princesses don't give blow jobs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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