He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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