Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
