wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
