I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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