I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
