i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
