I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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