Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
