So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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