Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
