I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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