You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
