I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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