Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
