Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
