It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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