Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
