everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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