I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
