I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
