well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just invented taco cereal.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
