great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
