Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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