Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
