We're facebook friends in real life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
