kristin has been a bad kristin
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
