There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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