I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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