Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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