I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
