Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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