Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
