he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
