bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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