I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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