If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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