I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
