I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
