am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
