Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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