Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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