Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
