im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
