I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
